Let me start off with a disclaimer that this is one of those early morning, reflective, kinda deepish posts about life that only has a smidge to do with art. If you're not interested in those kinds of posts from me, I suggest you move along and come back tomorrow when I'm sure to be back to art, art, and more art.
The last couple years for me has been all about friendships. Finding and making new ones, doing the work to rekindle longtime ones, and discovering which ones I'm better off without. Friends have always been a sticky thing for me. I grew up in a neighborhood full of girls; my street alone had 15 within a 5 year age gap. The good of this was that there was always someone to hang out with, the bad was that there always seemed to be an odd number which results in odd-man-out, the ugly was that girls have a tendency to be really nasty to each other given the right circumstances. That meant there was always plenty of nasty to go around.
Those of you who really know me, know that I have a VERY soft heart. I am always overflowing with love, but I also overthink everything and get hurt very easily by the silliest of wayward words and actions. This was magnified 100 times when I was a teenager, and more than once I've cleaned my friend house completely out to keep the softest parts of my heart from being mashed to death by the stampede of mean girls. This has resulted in times throughout my life where I had virtually no girlfriends to chat with, hang out, or rely on to get me through the rough patches. My virtual porch was feeling kinda empty. So, when I got to about my mid-30's I decided I wanted to change that aspect of my life, and set out on a mission to find and embrace new friends.
To say that it's been a bit of a bumpy road would be an understatement. When you've gone through life with bad friend experiences, one of the things you have to take a look at is the fact that your picker is probally WAY off. This doesn't just go away because you want it to. You have to do a bit more bad picking before you wake up and realize you're doing something wrong. One of the things I think a lot of us are guilty of {myself in particular}, is what comedian Kevin Hart calls "changing lanes"; trying to form friendships outside of our lifestyle. I have a tendancy of looking for friends that I don't have a lot in common with so that we have lots to talk about. I've done this since High School with very mixed results. I've always seen it as something positive, but I'm really starting to question if those friendships really work over the long haul. At 41, I've finally come to the conclusion that this doesn't always work, and more often than not, leaves me feeling perplexed and unfulfilled as the other person in the friendship pulls away the more they discover we don't share common thoughts, ideologies, or ways of looking at the world.
Another thing I've been guilty of in the past is letting older friendships slide or glide along on their own steam. Over the past six months I have put a lot of time and energy into rekindling, and maintaining those important friendships. I think in my push for new friends and experiences, I overlooked the importance of the people I already had in my life and genuinely love. Not one of my proudest moments. But, rather than shrug and continue moving along at that frantic new friend pace, I've slowed down and apologized. I've started to tell these wonderful girls in my life just how much they really mean to me, and how much I want to continue to grow our relationship. I've regrouped and refocused rather than rolling around in the guilt of it all. I've learned to take a closer look at the art girls "in my lane", and have started to see what shining stars they are in my life. I'm taking baby steps to bring them deeper into my heart ... daring to trust that they aren't going to stomp all over my soft spots, and taking time to really SEE who they are and what it is I love about them.
Does that mean that I'm done looking for new friendships? Nope, in fact Larry and I had dinner with a newish friend and her family last night, and we both left feeling really happy we had driven the hour to meet them. It just means that I'm taking a much deeper look inside them before I start investing all that time and energy. It means that I recognize the commitment of making and keeping the people who matter the most to me in life. It means that I'm going to continue to give all that love away regardless of what I get back in return ... but be a bit pickier about how much I give the ones who don't return it. If there's someone in your life who really matters to your heart ... regardless of how long you've known them ... please take a moment today and tell them exactly why they hold a place in your heart.
A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely.
+Pam Brown+
NOW GO MAKE ART!
